My work mode.

As well as a microblading specialist, I’m a Diagnostic Radiographer. So I take x-rays and perform CT scans (the big doughnut scanner). When working in healthcare, especially in a Major Trauma Centre, you see some things that really can affect you, mentally. Some years back, for example, a patient with the same demographics as my brother came in seriously injured: unknown male, mid 20s, same occupation.  My heart sank. This person received injuries that made his face unrecognisable. This gentleman is seriously hurt, and I had no idea whether it was my brother or not. Even if it’s not my brother (evidently it wasn’t), he’s someone’s brother/son/father/friend/nephew. This is where my “work mode” comes in. All health care workers have one. You just stand tall, do your job, and hopefully help in saving this person’s life. This work mode, it helps us deal with what we see day in day out. 

Covid gear..

For all this is helping me get through my shifts at the moment, I don’t know how to turn it off. My work mode isn’t a switch I can turn off at the hospital entrance when I leave after my shift. Don’t get me wrong, I’m having such a lovely time seeing my colleagues more often. I’ve been used to working alone since I left my full time post in December so working alongside the team again is really uplifting. But I am struggling to deal with certain things. 

I don’t know when my business will re-open and I don’t know what’s in store for it’s future. The uncertainty of it all. Will I have the will power to keep going and pretty much start business over again? Will I be able to just stop doing shifts to open again or will I have to go in between? Will there even be any hours for me to pick up at the hospital if I do need them? Is this safe for my clients when I do open? Will I be able to afford to live when I start again? How long will I have to live in my nephew’s Marvel bedroom at my parents house?

I’m staying in my nephew’s bedroom

I guess we all have so many questions about what life’s going to be like in a month.. six months.. a year down the line. All I know is that my blood, sweat and tears went into my business. I will do absolutely everything I can to make sure it’s successful. I always try to be a positive person. Every life experience I’ve been through has either gave me joy or taught me a lesson. I’m trying to look at my work mode as more of a positive: its helping me continue to work, continuing to help people and continuing to try and stay positive about the future. 

I started writing this blog post because I felt like I needed to get my feelings out somehow. I struggle to talk about things when things get tough, much like a lot of people. I guess what I want to say is, nobody knows what the future has in store for us, but right now we just need to survive and stay hopeful. 

To al of my gorgeous clients, thank you for trusting me. I can’t wait to be back in my chair and doing what I do best. 

To all of my wonderful family and friends. I love you, thank you for keeping me smiling. 

I want to say a special thank you to my parents, you don’t realise how much you’ve helped me get through this weird time. You’ve both always supported me mentally, physically and emotionally - but especially since all of this happened. I love you both with all my heart. 

Stay positive if you can, if you can’t that’s fine.. Just try to find a way of smiling a little, somehow.